Why Am I Not An Overpaid CEO?

I was recently thinking back and it began to dawn on me… way back in 2004, 3 years before the iPhone and 4 years before the App Store, I had a Motorola V3 Razr, that, after hacking out useless stuff like AOL IM and ugly clip art, pre-loaded wallpapers, etc, I had a device with nearly 8 megs of memory (whoo hoo).  Also, the device had a hard maximum of 15 or so java applications at a time.  After hacking the OS to enable Java app loading, I was then unshackled from being locked to my carrier’s Java game section full of $2 and $3 games.  I then began to look around the net for Java games & applications, and “the net” pulled through.  By the time that I was done, I had several hundred games & apps that I could load onto my device.   Thing is… if I can only access 15 of them, I’m pretty miffed because what’s the point of having them if I have to delete stuff to make room for other stuff, then connect it to my PC to transfer them over… yuck.

The Moto Razr, in all it’s infinite glory, was a data device in so much as I could make GPRS connections to the ‘mobile internet’.  Yay me.  I thought, hey, I’ll upload this myriad of games and applications to a freebie website, create a WAP deck interface, and I’ll be able to delete a few apps if I needed space, and log onto my WAP page interface with links to all these Java apps stored in ‘the cloud’ and have access to all of them anywhere, anytime.  All the apps were fairly small, so even my snail’s pace GPRS connection could feed me apps at the rate of about 30-60 seconds download time, and bam, I have that app.  It wasn’t untiil 2011 that it dawned on me that I had essentially had the building blocks of the app store in place back in 2004, a year before Jobs & Co began work on the iPhone!  Hell, I could have added MP3’s onto the website, which were just as downloadable, as well as videos taken by the phone (or any compatible 3gpp video) and had my own little iTunes/App Store going.

Not convinced yet?

Nah, me either.  Ok, let’s talk HP/Palm for example.  When HP bought Palm a while back, the first thing I thought was MISTAKE.  I mean c’mon, by the time that the stern of the mighty ship – Palm began to meet the waterline, what fuck nut over at HP said, “Hey! Let’s snatch us up some dat webOS pie!”  Really?  I mean Really???  It was clear to me that the straw poles & primaries were over, and it was clear the fight was between iOS and Android.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying webOS is a piece of shit or anything… hell for that matter I’ve never really pissed around with a webOS device in my life. (Clue 1)  From what I’ve heard, it’s a powerful & robust OS, but it’s not iOS or Android… it’s… it’s.. well, it’s one of those OS’s out there that competed with RIM, MS, & Nokia’s Symbian, and who wants to fuck with a pre iPhone era OS anymore?  Just ask the 52 percent of Blackberry users out there jumping ship to the iPhone.  Those OS’s are old school, business people oriented, smart-phone-os-before-everyone-owned-a-smartphone OS’s.  You have to read that last line again… go ahead, I’ll wait… OK, what I’m saying is, unless you use your smartphone for boring ass shit like checking stocks, scheduling business meetings and the like, those operating systems are dead. iOS and Android are geared toward the masses.  Look at Apple with it’s ‘fun-to-use-me’ advertising.  It makes no difference if webOS or Symbian are good OS’s… they’re DEAD OS’s!  This was more than obvious to me the day I read HP shelled out a shitload of money for a company… Palm, and it’s grandpa’s smartphone OS along with it.  Then, they have the balls to develop a tablet… a nice piece of hardware btw… running webOS, and expect it to sell when everyone knows, no one wants a tablet… they want an iPad.  Don’t believe me?  Look at the numbers… Apple has sold 29 million iPads in 20 months.  Apple’s biggest problem isn’t competition, it’s the ability to make the units fast enough, as if the rest of the industry isn’t even there.  Add up all tablets sold, Android & webOS alike, add them together, and the iPad thwarts the sales of the rest of the industry combined.  Then, to boot, HP handing out $400 tablet’s for $99 bucks because well, ya know… it’s inventory time again, and tax man cometh.  So to stop the bleeding, they rushed every tablet to market at a super blowout price, but a bit too fast as some of the Android… yes Android based HP produced tablets were accidentally sold onto the market, showing HP’s true colors … pukey Android green.  So, there’s the salt in the wound… like Hitler’s final days in the bunker trying to figure a way out, HP apparently was porting Android over to their devices in a last ditch effort to salvage the device.  Thing is, the Apple tanks rolled in so fast, HP never got the chance to see if they could win The Battle of Berlin.  It all just fell apart so fast that the only math was what’s cheaper… fire sale prices to get them off the shelves, turn them into digital picture frames, or pay the tax man his fair share for getting caught will crate after crate full of webOS tabs…

Now, how is it that lil’ ol’ me, can understand this shit, and the rich, highly educated, way over paid, movers & shakers of these large companies cannot?

Look at RIM… it’s been 5 years since Steve Jobs pointed out that the screen over keyboard form factor is limiting and wasteful, yet RIM continues to pump out phones with that same tired form factor, and within the last few months even, are releasing models… for the first time with that hot new technology known as 3G!  RIM’s excuse is that it caters to the businessman.  Well, they do, and business folk DO buy them for their business-centric features like enterprise email and security features.  Thing is, there’s alot more people people than there are business people, and psst.. guess what RIM… business people are people people too, and they want that snappy ‘makes-me-look-cool’ 4G, hi-res, plays-my-music device that the people people use too.  That’s evident with companies like Apple working day & night to add RIM style enterprise into the iPhone, and businesses everywhere are now field testing, or deploying iPhones as well.  The difference being Apple will implement the features in a cool, easy to use way.  Even RIM’s lame attempts at trying to be iCool look like some sick, bastardized caricature of a smartphone with a shit processor running a java based os with a screen resolution that, and I mean almost literally, make my eyes bleed.  To boot, RIM’s starting to incorporate the ability to run Android apps on their devices… smart move huh?  No fuck nuts, who the fuck is going to buy a RIM tablet that an run some sorts of Android apps under some sorts of conditions…  Really?  Hmm, do I want a fully compatible Android tablet, or some tablet that runs outdated RIM software along with a slim to fair chance it runs the Android app I want to run too.  If anything, you’ve got to give RIM consistency in their retardedness.   The only thing I’m wondering is will they survive long enough to come up with some equally dickheaded idea, or, go out of business/get bought up by some other, larger, more retarded company first.

Now, I don’t liken myself to the Genius of Steve Jobs, (even though I had the app store concept up and running 4 years earlier, albeit smaller, and lacking that whole credit card number thing that really seems to help), but I watch the corporate world pretty close, especially electronics with special emphasis on wireless, and I see companies do the right thing at times too.  For example Google’s recent acquisition of Motorola’s wireless unit was a smart move, albeit copying Apple.  It’s the only way for Google to compete with Apple… by having full control of the development of a smartphone from the first chip to the last line of code in the software.  Not to mention Apple’s fairly recent acquisition of Siri.  Not that most people are thinking it, but I predict that was a smart investment on Apple’s part even though it remains to be seen.  Why do I know this?  I don’t know… maybe I think the whole talking to computers to control them with voice will catch on.  Just think, HP spent six times as much money for Palm as Apple did for Siri, and Apple will turn that 200 million into billions while HP’s 1.2 billion… six times what Apple paid for Siri, and it bought them a piece of shit that they were ready to chuck overboard in an attempt recover the additional losses it incurred by releasing a tablet with webOS on it.  Just think, HP could have spent 6 times less money, went with Android for the OS, and had HTC, Moto, Samsung, and even Apple drooling over the fact that their smartphone is smart enough to understand common speech, and, perhaps even have had a true iPhone killer on their hands.

I’ve got more, but this article is too long, and I’m tired.  Tired like someone who works for a living.  Not some overpaid CEO trying to figure out the obvious.